Learning body language psychology can boost your everyday success in relationships and work. The science of body language was introduced into the main-stream by 1950’s anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell, who called this study of non-verbal communication “kinesics” (though Charles Darwin published an academic emotional expression work on man and animals in the 1800s).
Today, experts in law enforcement as well as career leadership use body language psychology to gain insight into people’s motivations, emotions, and behaviors. Learning it helps decipher the truth hidden within a person’s self-expression. Let’s dive into body language psychology and it’s uses for self-development, relational understanding, and work success.
Body Language Psychology Definition
Also called nonverbal communication, body language is the expression of human emotions through the eyes, hands, gestures, and other bodily movements. It is communication, whether consciously intended or not, of a person’s feelings, intentions, and thoughts.
Think of the last time you asked someone a question and they said something in the positive but at the same time rubbed the back of their neck or their hand through their hair. It gave you the sense they weren’t quite truthful, right? Your Spidey-senses were intuiting a nonverbal cue.
Humans evolved to pick up on these wordless cues as a survival mechanism. Reading others nonverbal’s helped us spot danger and kept us safe. They help us avoid a creepy person or situations that can turn violent. Often, the intuition we have about someone stems directly from subtle body language signals that happen quicker than the conscious mind can grasp.
Recently, I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. One evening at a parade, there was a group of guys staring at each other aggressively and name calling. I could feel the tension in the air. I went back to the hotel. Turned out, there was a shooting later that weekend in that same area between a group of guys. I don’t know if it was the same group but my intuition smelled trouble.
Body language: The process of communicating nonverbally through conscious or unconscious gestures and movements
Oxford dictionary
Types of Nonverbal Communication
There are many types of nonverbal communication. They are “tells” that a person is conflicted in what they are saying and how they really feel. These transmissions range from gestures and facial expressions to tone of voice and physical touch. Let’s run through common body language tells.
Facial Expressions and Eye Movements:
Probably the most immediate of nonverbal communications when face-to-face with others is how facial expressions communicate hidden meanings. Aside from a case of resting-bitch-face (I suffer from this, lol) where someone can’t help a permanent wrinkle formation that comes off as irritable, the looks on someone’s face can be a telltale indicator of hidden thoughts and emotions.
Smiling, frowning, eye contact (or not), blinking or an intrusive stare, raised or furrowed brows, gaping mouths, and squinting eyes all are nonverbals to inform you. They communicate emotions of anger, sadness, distrust or trust, disgust, surprise, and more.
For instance, someone staring at your forehead while talking to you is a rather dismissive move and may indicate a lack of respect or taking what you say for granted. Alternatively, someone looking down while you’re speaking may indicate a good listener. Though again, watch out for cultural differences because eye contact norms vary around the world.
Physical Touch:
Physical touch can convey various emotions and intentions. Different types of touch, such as a handshake, hug, pat on the back, or a gentle touch on the arm, can communicate warmth, friendliness, comfort, or assertiveness. Many cultures are big on physical touch and for good reason: we humans need it to thrive. It offers comfort, connection, and affirmation of our importance.
Alternatively, a firm grasp, a solid arm around the shoulders, or no touch at all may indicate more negative emotions behind an otherwise positive demeanor. Sometimes, it’s indicator enough to get the Sam-hell away from whomever is exhibiting such behaviors, such as when you’re alone in a dark place with someone who touches you in such a way. It may mean the other has poor boundaries or could have a sinister agenda.
Physical Proximity:
We all know a close-talker. Someone who doesn’t seem to grasp that you’re uncomfortable with how close they are standing to you (nor comprehend their bad breath!). Physical distancing or closing the gap of distance may be an indication that a person is subconsciously communicating ulterior motives. However, sometimes a close talker may come from a culture where that’s the norm, such as in Latin America or the middle east.
But the proximity may indicate a power dynamic as well, such as the close-talker unabashedly invading your space, or someone distancing themselves from you. Physical proximity can allude to feelings of intimacy, aggression, or interest (or lack thereof).
Tone of Voice:
Even though this is clearly verbal, people often say something in a tone of voice that betrays the actual words they use. Think of someone who says they’d love to help you move but in a tone of voice that’s flat and without enthusiasm. We’ve all been there!
Tone of voice is often a habit in individuals, however, so be careful to not always read into someone’s cadence or tone. My mother, for instance, suffers from depression so she often sounds flat or like she doesn’t care. But I know she does-it’s just the depression talking. Still, tone of voice is another nonverbal verbal to be aware of that can cue you into someone betraying their inner emotions.
Gestures:
Hand and arm movements tell encoded stories in communication as well. We all talk with our hands and arms- it’s rather like a reflex. They can compliment what’s being said, such as someone pounding their fist into their palm when discussing something important to them or making a point. Or, they can skew what’s said with a seemingly opposite gesture- thus giving you the insight that there’s a conflict within them.
For example, according to FBI trained body language expert Janine Driver, if you ask someone a question and they respond in the affirmative but touch their face or the back of their neck, it indicates they really don’t mean a 100% yes.
Body Language Psychology in Posture:
Body posture refers to the alignment and positioning of the body. It can convey confidence, attentiveness, openness, defensiveness, and interest. Examples include standing tall, slouching, crossing arms, and crossing legs.
Aside from health issues, cultural differences, or a person’s fatigue level, studying someone’s posture when speaking to you can give you insight into their personality or how they feel about the interaction with you.
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Why Nonverbal Communication is Important
Why do we even need to understand non-verbal communication? It’s because humans are complicated and not generally upfront with their true thoughts about things. We tend to seek harmony and agreeableness with others and will often hide our opinions in order to avoid confrontations. We all know that blunt person who has no qualms spitting out exactly what’s on their mind. But generally, humans shy away from this type of direct admission of their intimate feelings.
Thus, it’s important to learn to read between the lines so as to act in accordance with truth verses what people want us to see. Knowledge is power and prevents misunderstandings in transactions and relationships. Also, it will make you more aware of the liars in your life and people to checkbox as fudging the truth.
Janine Driver has a great response whenever you feel someone is communicating something non-verbally opposite of what their words are saying. She says to use the phrase, “Maybe I’m wrong but…”. This is a way to confront the discrepancy without affronting the person you’re talking to; it gives the other a chance to admit the facts because you’re coming at them in a humble and curious way, verses accusatory.
Body Language Psychology Facts
Here are some basic facts about nonverbal communication:
- Body language is culturally tied as well as universal. While some gestures and facial expressions can be observed in the same way across the world, some norms are culture specific.
- Nonverbal communication is a starting point for discovering a person’s inner truth but not a guaranteed method of clarification. Even professionals can make mistakes in reading it.
- Perceiving someone’s body language is a social-emotional skill and indicates emotional intelligence.
- Both showing nonverbals and reading them often happens at a sub or unconscious level. We often instinctively react to body language before our reasoning can catch up.
- Micro-expressions, or quick and subtle facial expressions that convey emotions, are great at predicting feelings.
- Your brain and body are in line with each other. The body carries our thoughts and feelings.
- With awareness, you can control your body language to some degree and thus empower yourself in interactions with others.
- Humans often mirror one another’s facial expressions and gestures while communicating.
- Smiling with your eyes is the only true smile. That’s when your crows feet get engaged, lol!
- Criminals are often good readers of body language and will pinpoint vulnerable people easily.
- A person’s pupils get bigger when they like something.
- Women are more likely to read body language than men.
Body Language Tricks for Everyday Use
Mastering the art of body language will help you succeed in your social interactions and give you insight into relationships. Perceiving others nonverbals correctly as well as intentionally conveying your own gives you personal power and more confidence. Here are a few things you can do to level up your body language in your relationships:
- For conveying confidence: Instead of standing straight with your shoulders back, pretend your heart is reaching for the corner of the ceiling, giving it a lift.
- To show interest and attention: Have good eye contact that is not too overbearing (such as staring without blinking) (be mindful though that eye contact is taken as affrontive in some cultures). Also, look into a person’s left eye for good relating and into their right if you need to convey more power to them.
- Don’t slouch or curl your shoulders inward when asking for what you want. Stand up straight and speak clearly. This is useful when asking for a raise! You can’t convey confidence while slouching.
- Maintain an open stance to convey open-mindedness, good listening, and respect.
- Smile with your eyes.
- Learn to read other nonverbals to better understand them. Use disarming phrases such as Driver’s “maybe I’m wrong,” to clarify mixed signals in conversations.
Watch expert Janine Driver’s TED Talk for a better understanding of body language psychology and how it can benefit your everyday relationships.
In Conclusion
In conclusion, understanding and incorporating body language psychology into everyday life can have a profound impact on your communication skills and personal interactions. By paying attention to both your own nonverbal cues and those of others, you can become a more effective communicator, build stronger relationships, and navigate social situations with greater ease.
Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. So, take the time to fine-tune your body language, from maintaining confident posture to making genuine eye contact. Allow your nonverbal expressions speak volumes. Embrace the power of body language, and unlock a world of enhanced connections and meaningful interactions.
Comment below for how body language has helped you!