Personal goals are the short or long-term outcomes you desire in regards to your relationships, career, well-being, or lifestyle. Knowing when to give up on them is tricky because they represent dearly held life dreams. They are very intimate representations of who we think we are, help shape our identity, and give us purpose and meaning in life.
So how do we know when a goal has lost it’s reach and that we should give it up? It’s no easy process of determination. Let’s look at some factors to help you decide if your goals are worth quitting and how to detangle yourself from long-held dreams without nose-diving into an existential depression.
First, let’s remind ourselves that it’s ok to give up sometimes.
Why It’s OK to Quit a Goal
In the broadest perspective, quitting a goal is OK because we are not what we achieve. We often get attached to what we do in life, especially in our Western culture, as a marker of our goodness or self-esteem. But we have to remember, we are so much more than that. Our worth is measured by our character, how we treat others, and values more than anything else.
Thus, if we’ve strived toward a goal and know it’s time quit, it OK to do so. For one, the goal may no longer serve you or is giving you a return on your investment. And two, you’ve learned something important along the way, which you can tuck into your bag of future skills. Perhaps it’s that you were in it for the wrong reasons, such as doing what you thought you should for others. Or maybe you got close to the goal and realized all that glitter wasn’t gold, so-to-speak, and needed to redirect towards something more aligned with your true self.
I recently gave up on what I thought was a worthy goal. During the pandemic, I lost my housecleaning business. I bought a course in web development thinking, “Oh, that’s a stable industry.” Turns out, it was not my cup of tea and the learning curve was too steep. For a while, I felt like a failure. But ultimately, I used that failure for self-growth in that it helped me realize more deeply what I like and don’t like. (Turns out, I love writing!).
4 Benefits of Quitting Unhelpful Goals
“Winners never quit, and quitters never win,” is a common theme in our uber-work-hustle culture. It’s in the water we drink growing up, making us believe we have to stick with something even if it makes us miserable. We fear losing our slice of the American pie.
But this kind of phrase can be toxic when it makes us hang on to a personal goal for the wrong reasons or past the point of it being healthy. For instance, if I’d have stuck with web development, I’d probably have eventually landed some entry level job. But then I’d be stuck in work that drained me and gave my life more stress (or maybe I’d be making mega bucks and killing it? Who knows. That’s the risk of quitting dreams. I believe I made the right decision!).
So take heart in knowing that quitting has it’s benefits. Here are some ways pulling the plug on dreams can be beneficial to you:
1) Improves mental health and self-knowledge:
The pursuit of life dreams is stressful to some degree. From the lack of certainty about whether you can pull it off, to whether the attainment of the goal will produce enough practicality for your lifestyle- it can test your mental health. Thus, when you realize that it would be more beneficial to you to quit a goal’s quest, it can relieve a lot of mental pressure and emotional anxiety.
Furthermore, despite a temporary feeling of disappointment in yourself or a sense of failure for giving up, the journey you took toward that goal was a path of knowledge. You learned what you liked and didn’t, what you were good at or not. And most likely, you gained skills in reasoning, taking risks, and developing your values. Giving up doesn’t have to mean giving into defeat. It can be giving into another path, another dream, another, better, road for you.
2) Frees up time, energy, money, ROI:
ROI means Return On Investment, what you get from your efforts. When we quit a goal that wasn’t working for us, we stop wasting time, energy, and money on a bad investment. It may be true that quitting means you did lose money and time in that pursuit. But you can’t dwell on that- it’s a sunk cost. This is a cost we can’t change. You have to focus on what lies ahead if you want to move forward and learn from your choices. What you’re gaining in the clarity of quitting a fruitless pursuit is your current time, effort, and money.
Instead of tirelessly chasing a dead-end dream, stepping away allows you to invest your resources more wisely. You conserve your energy, avoiding the draining loop of unfulfilled expectations. Plus, you can redirect your finances towards ventures with greater potential for success. Embrace the power of quitting to unlock newfound efficiency and unlock a brighter path to achievement.
3) Quitting personal goals gives clarity on values:
Quitting a goal allows you to reevaluate your priorities. It helps determine if the goal you set is still aligned with your values and aspirations. It gives you an opportunity to redirect your efforts towards something more meaningful or fulfilling. What gives life meaning is defining our values, morals, and the story we tell about our lives. It’s about the connections we build with others and also with ourselves.
So quitting a dead-end dream, though emotionally challenging, can clarify your underlying values that led you both toward the dream and away from it. This is grist for the mill of creating meaning in life and strengthening your inner world. For instance, when I quit coding, I could’ve had a negative value mindset of “What a failure am I?”. But I consciously chose to create a positive self-story about “my pandemic career explorations”. It’s lead me here to this blog and to being a contributing writer to a local newspaper. So, take heart and make your quitting or failures a self-development process.
Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
Mahatma gandhi
4) Improves flexibility, opportunities and productivity:
By quitting a goal that no longer serves you, you become more adaptable and flexible in your approach to life. It allows you to pivot and adjust your plans based on changing circumstances. This enables you to seize unexpected opportunities and navigate challenges more effectively.
By eliminating the dead skin of dying dreams, you increase your potential to be productive in areas of life that actually give you that return on investment. In addition, this agile mentality, so long as you’re not quitting left and right in your life, can open the door to new opportunities. By sluffing off what’s not working, often the universe has a way of putting what is working right at your doorstep.
For me, when I quit the coding path, I started this blog because it became clear that writing was what truly fulfilled me. That led to my getting a position as a freelance writer for a local newspaper. So quitting personal goals often brings new paths into view.
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7 Signs You Should Quit Personal Goals
Personal goals are ones that come from within verses externally (i.e. losing weight or writing a book verses getting through college or learning on-the-job required training). It’s up to you to know when a goal has lost it’s lure.
The temptation to keep trudging toward a personal goal past it being beneficial can be strong. It’s easy to get attached to our dreams because, again, they represent our identity on some level. So here are some signs it is time to aim your arrow elsewhere:
- It’s making you miserable/lack of passion for it: If it’s having negative health effects such as causing depression, anxiety, burnout, or making you physically sick from stress, it’s time to quit. If the ratio of well-being and happiness to illness tips in favor of the latter, it’s time to switch gears.
- The risks outweigh any benefits: If your goal will bankrupt you, cause your family to abandon you, or poses health risks then it’s probably time to reevaluate things.
- Your interests have changed : If you keep doing a goal out of obligation despite your interest totally shifting, you may need to take a hard look at why you’re still pursuing it. It’s time to pull yourself from the dead end railroad towards a fruitless dream.
- Constant setbacks: Setbacks are a natural part of any journey but if you continuously face obstacles or encounter little to no progress despite consistent efforts, it may indicate a need to reevaluate your approach or the feasibility of the goal (this may be a sign or synchronicity from the Universe, too, that you’re on the wrong path).
- Shifted Priorities: If your priorities or circumstances have changed, and your goal no longer aligns with your current values, interests, or life situation, it may be a sign that it’s time to let go and focus on new objectives.
- Lack of Progression: If you’ve invested considerable time and effort into your goal, but you don’t see any meaningful progression or growth, despite adjusting your strategies, it might be an indication that it’s not the right path for you.
- Disrupted Work-Life Balance: If your goal begins to negatively impact your relationships, job, or other important aspects of your life, and you find it challenging to maintain a healthy work-life balance, it could be a sign to reassess your priorities.
Remember that quitting a goal doesn’t always equate to failure. It can be an opportunity to redirect your energy and focus towards a more fulfilling path. It’s a chance to set new goals that better resonate with who you are at this stage in your life.
But how do you know if you’re giving up before the ROI comes due? Let’s look at a few warning signs that you’re actually quitting too soon.
Beware These Signs of Quitting Too Soon
We don’t always know what’s good for us. We can get so wrapped up in our emotions about things that it blinds our decision making. This can make us delude ourselves into a choice that’s actually bad for us. Quitting a worthy dream too soon is one example of this. The pursuit of goals is often a long game. The gold at the end of the rainbow is typically out of sight. It’s tempting to lose hope and throw in the towel too soon.
Thus, you need some red flags of when you may be quitting too soon. Here’s some telltale markers:
You’re Impatient for the Results:
If you find yourself becoming impatient and expecting instant results or progress, watch for the temptation to quit. It’s important to remember that personal goals require time, effort, and perseverance. Quitting prematurely due to impatience may lead to regrets later on.
Fear of Failure:
If the fear of failure or making mistakes becomes the primary driver behind your decision to quit, it’s worth considering if it’s too soon to do so. You may be allowing fear to hold you back. You need to push through challenges and learning experiences that are essential for reaching the personal goal.
External Pressure:
If you’re heavily influenced by the opinions, expectations, or judgments of others and base your decision to quit solely on external factors, you might be quitting too soon. Personal goals should be primarily driven by your own desires and aspirations, rather than external validation or pressure.
Lack of Persistence:
Persistence is often key to achieving personal goals. If you consistently give up when faced with obstacles or setbacks, without exploring alternative approaches or seeking support, you may be quitting too soon. Sometimes, adjusting your strategies or seeking guidance can make a significant difference.
Regret or Unfulfillment:
If the thought of quitting your goal leaves you with a sense of regret or unfulfillment, it might be an indication that you’re giving up too soon. Consider whether the potential long-term rewards and personal growth outweigh the short-term challenges or discomfort you might be facing.
Absence of a Solid Plan:
If you quit a personal goal without a clear alternative plan or direction, it could indicate a premature decision. Take the time to reassess your goal, gather information, and create a well-thought-out plan before making a final decision.
Unexplored Potential:
If you haven’t exhausted all reasonable avenues or explored different approaches to achieve your goal, it might be too soon to quit. Sometimes, a breakthrough or solution might be just around the corner. Quitting too soon means missing out on discovering your full potential.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself
Ice cube
It’s important to strike a balance between recognizing when a goal is no longer serving you and when it’s worth persevering despite challenges. Regular self-reflection, seeking guidance, and being honest with yourself can help you make informed decisions about when to persist and when to redirect your efforts.
Hold those dreams of yours close to your heart and go after them diligently. Use the guideposts provided above and you’ll know what direction is ultimately right for you, whether to quit or plough full steam ahead. Go get ’em!