Meditation is the art of being in the present moment. Using various techniques, such as sitting and simply concentrating on observing your breathing, the aim is to be still, be present, and observe reality without judgment. The mindfulness that comes from regular meditation allows one to achieve clarity of mind and emotions. Thus, it is an invaluable tool for helping to manage tough feelings like anger and frustration.
Meditation for anger and frustration isn’t about denying your feelings or trying to change them. It is about helping to distance the power these emotions have over us. This is because practicing meditation gives space around tough emotions and allows a natural shift to occur. With a regular meditation practice, the habit of witnessing our emotions verses acting them out can even allow you to use the energy anger contains for productivity.
Let’s explore how meditations helps with anger and frustration and ways to practice mindfulness around these inevitable emotions.
What is Behind Anger and Frustration?
Why do we get angry? And why can the feeling be so destructive and consuming? I recently lost my cool with my teenager. The topic of sex came up and instead of creating a positive conversation between us, I reacted to the fact that his girlfriend was sexting him. I went into full-mom-anger mode, lecturing him about healthy sexuality, personal boundaries, and raising my voice about flippancy in our culture around sex.
The point was taken. But by my anger shamed him and was over-the-top. He didn’t speak to me for a day. In retrospect, I could’ve said everything I said with a calm tone- and the point would’ve been the same. Keeping calm would’ve allowed for more back and forth communication. Instead, the anger I expressed shut him down and made him afraid to ask questions or voice his perspectives, which is healthy for a teen when learning who they are. I ask myself: why did I get so out of hand? Fear and a sense of loss of control.
Anger is Riddled with Sub-Emotions
When we get angry and frustrated, it can mean we’re experiencing many sub-emotions. Anger is like the big wheel and feelings like jealousy, resentment, impatience, and irritability are various spokes of that wheel. These feelings are the thought-related content that creates the waves of anger rising and falling within us; the stories behind the anger. Thus, breaking down why our anger takes over can take a subtlety of mind to perceive exactly what’s up our craw.
Regardless of these emotional off-shoots, at their core, each one relates to fear and a need to control. We feel afraid to lose some kind of self-power when angered. That’s why anger can be intoxicating: we often feel justified and even righteous in it because at the root of getting triggered is a fear of threat to some part of our identity.
How Fear and Lack of Control Create Anger
But when we let our fears run wild in our mind, anger can take over and run the show. This is because anger gives a feeling of capability or strength that will handle the fear within (the flight or fight response). This is the control aspect of anger.
As mentioned, when we feel threatened, such as when people cross our psychological/emotional boundaries, anger is a natural response. We want to stop the threat or escape it. It’s a need to control the outcome of the threat. The adrenaline and cortisol release that comes when we’re afraid makes it easy to be reactive and act out angrily. For example, the fear behind my outburst to my teenager was about sexual behavior causing STI’s, teen pregnancy, and him gaining a bad reputation that could gravely affect his future and have life-long consequences.
Sometimes anger isn’t acted outwardly, it’s turned inward. This can cause depression and anxiety and display our anger in passive-aggressive ways verses direct anger expressed at a target. Understanding that fear and a feeling of a loss of control is behind anger will help you ascertain what boundaries you feel are being crossed or what the underlying fear is. With this knowledge, you can use natural anger as a tool to healthily express your frustration and not harbor it or lash out at others.
Why You Should Learn to Control Anger
There’s a Chinese proverb that says: “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” There’s not doubt that 9 times out of 10 when we lash out in anger we suffer and cause suffering to others. This is because we do not think straight when angry. We let the energy of anger lash out and say or do reactive and hurtful things. It’s only later that reason and logic step in to suggest, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”
Anger is intoxicating and hard to let go of. It feels satisfying to get angry and defend ourselves from the perceived threat. We mistake this powerful rush of energy for being right. Or, we fear that if we let it go, we will continue to be taken advantage of by our “threat”. But we cause more damage and pain to ourselves and others when we let anger out unchecked.
Controlling anger doesn’t mean letting yourself be walked on. It means taking back your real power: your power of choice in how you respond to situations. To control your anger is to protect yourself from damaging important relationships that serve you and saving yourself from future heartache, regret, and even harsh punishment.
Anger Can Be Transformed Into Useful Energy
The more we learn to control our anger and frustration, we learn that it’s another energy we can utilize to better solve the problem. Being mindful of anger, letting it move through you without acting it out, we gain the energy of it without causing damage to ourselves or others. We hold back expressing it, give space for constructive thought to form around it, and then can direct the energy of anger towards solutions.
Thus, we learn that issues can be solved while keeping peace. Anger becomes transformed into fuel for tackling issues. This helps create positive self-worth and esteem because we begin to trust ourselves and others begin to trust us, too.
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent at throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
the budda
The Benefits of Meditation for Anger and Frustration
Meditation is the best tool for learning to handle our anger and frustration. As stated above, when we meditate, we’re training ourselves to sit still and just witness thoughts and emotions that arise like waves of the ocean within us. We train ourselves to simple observe them, feel the energy of them moving within us, without reacting to them. Thus, we form a sort of mindfulness muscle that then can bear the brunt of getting angry without lashing out and doing damage in our lives.
Meditation dose not suppress anger. Instead, you feel it completely as it arises but you have space around it. It’s like mindfulness becomes a helpful watchman guarding your inner life, offering you the feeling and asking if you want to do anything about it. This space is empowering because you see anger for what it is and can determine the root cause of it. What about the situation made you feel threatened or violated? You gain valuable information that then informs a more correct response to the problem at hand.
Pin It!
Practical Ways Meditation Helps Anger:
Here are some benefits of meditation for anger and frustration:
- Reduced stress: Meditation reduces levels of stress and anxiety, which are often associated with anger and frustration.
- Improved emotional regulation: Regular meditation practice helps you become more aware emotions. It allows you to better regulate them, reducing the likelihood of getting overwhelmed by feelings of anger or frustration.
- Increased mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Practicing mindfulness helps you become aware of thoughts and emotions. This prevents you from reacting impulsively.
- Greater self-awareness: Through meditation, you’re more in tune with your thoughts and feelings. You start to identify the triggers that may lead to anger and frustration.
- Improved communication: By being mindful and self-aware, you’re equipped to communicate feelings in a constructive manner, rather than reacting impulsively out of anger or frustration.
Overall, meditation can help individuals develop the skills necessary to manage their emotions and respond to challenging situations in a more balanced and constructive manner.
How to Practice Meditation for Anger
To meditate effectively for helping with anger and frustration, it is important to find a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus your attention. Sit comfortably. Start by taking deep breaths and relaxing your body. Then, begin to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Try to let go of any negative thoughts or feelings and focus on the present moment.
When distracted, bring your awareness back to your breathing and focus on that. Practicing even just 10 minutes a day will greatly reduce your reactivity when anger arises.
Here’s a quick meditation video for anger and frustration.
In conclusion, meditation is a powerful tool for managing anger and frustration. By practicing mindfulness and breathing techniques, we learn to observe emotions without judgment and respond to them in a more constructive manner. Regular meditation leads to greater emotional regulation, increased self-awareness, and improved overall well-being. So, if you’re struggling with anger and frustration, consider incorporating meditation into your daily routine for a calmer and more centered mind.